Dating in Your Late Teens: A Scientific Study With No Funding
I couldn’t help but wonder: why is dating at 19 less like finding love and more like being randomly selected for a psychological experiment you never consented to?
Welcome to the scientific study of teenage dating, where our research methods include overanalyzing a “hey,” consulting three best friends, checking someone’s activity status, and staring at a text for 45 minutes before responding with “haha yeah.”
There is no control group.
There is barely a hypothesis.
And yet somehow, we are collecting DATA.
At 19, you’re not just dating another person. You’re accidentally conducting a full-blown investigation into yourself.
Because suddenly you discover things about your personality that were previously classified information.
For example:
Apparently, I am selfless.
Or am I?
Because there is a very fine line between “I care deeply about people” and “I have rearranged my entire schedule, emotional stability, and personality around someone who took six hours to respond.”
Girl.
The FBI couldn't get this much cooperation.
Then there’s insecurity.
And insecurity in dating is particularly creative.
One minute you’re thinking, “I know my worth.”
The next minute they liked someone’s post from 2024 and suddenly you’re conducting forensic analysis like:
“Interesting. Who is Jessica?”
Jessica has not done anything.
Jessica is simply existing.
But unfortunately, so are your intrusive thoughts.
And that's the weird thing about dating when you're young: sometimes the person you're dating isn't even the biggest lesson.
You are.
Because relationships have a sneaky little habit of showing you exactly where you're still figuring yourself out.
Maybe you realize you’re terrified of being abandoned.
Maybe you realize you need constant reassurance.
Maybe you realize you keep giving people the benefit of the doubt because you're afraid that having standards will make you “difficult.”
Or maybe you realize you have been accepting crumbs and calling it a charcuterie board.
And let's discuss the infamous “I can fix him” phenomenon.
Scientists remain baffled.
You meet someone who communicates exclusively in mixed signals and suddenly you're like:
“But I think there’s a really sweet person underneath all of this.”
Underneath all of what, babe?
The emotional unavailability?
The disappearing acts?
The “sorry I fell asleep” message at 2:37 p.m.?
At some point, you have to stop excavating for the personality.
Dating can also reveal how badly you want to be chosen.
And sometimes that's the uncomfortable part.
Because when you really like someone, it's easy to start performing.
You become more agreeable.
More available.
More understanding.
You laugh at jokes that weren't funny.
You say, “No worries!” when there are, in fact, several worries.
You become the United Nations of your own relationship, negotiating peace treaties over things that should have required one conversation and a backbone.
And eventually you have to ask yourself:
“Do I actually like this person, or do I like being liked by this person?”
Now THAT is a research question.
Because at 19, you're still learning the difference between attraction and validation, chemistry and anxiety, compromise and self-abandonment, and butterflies versus your nervous system screaming for help.
And perhaps that's what dating is supposed to teach us.
Not how to become the perfect girlfriend.
Not how to make someone stay.
Not how to become so irresistible that someone has no choice but to fall madly in love with us.
But how to recognize ourselves while we're loving somebody else.
Because darling, if you have to become a completely different woman to keep someone interested, congratulations—you have successfully lost the person you were trying to date.
So yes, dating at 19 is messy.
It's confusing.
It's occasionally humiliating.
It's approximately 30% romance, 20% personal growth, and 50% asking your friends, “WHAT DOES THIS TEXT MEAN?”
But maybe every awkward date, questionable situationship, crush, heartbreak, and painfully slow reply is teaching us something.
Maybe we're learning what we need.
What we don't want.
What we tolerate.
What we deserve.
And most importantly, who we are when nobody is choosing us.
Because eventually, the goal isn't to find someone who makes you feel worthy.
It's to know you're worthy before they ever arrive.
Although, naturally, I still reserve the right to analyze a three-word text with my friends for approximately four business days.
For scientific purposes, obviously.
XOXO, Mimi 💋🎀
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